Take My Phone–Please! Play #2 - Extract

Play # 2 Take My Phone – Please!  by Kate Herbert 2019

The play depicts four very different people on a train, their relationship to their mobile phones and how they react when a crazed thief enters the carriage and steals their mobile phones.

CHARACTERS: 2 MALE, 3 FEMALE

OLDER WOMAN. 70s. Has adult daughter and two grandchildren.

HIPSTER: MALE 30s. Successful web-page designer. Feigns interest in things eco-friendly but more interested in money.

GIRL: 17. Obsessed with social media and her boyfriend.

YOUNGER WOMAN: 30s, mother of three.

CRAZY GUY: 20s. Scruffy, homeless, mentally ill.

LOCATION

Suburban train carriage.  

Sample extract from Take My Phone – Please!

Train stops, CRAZY GUY (CRAZY) gets on singing gangsta rap, dancing. shouts wildly, skateboards down carriage.  Passengers cringe.

CRAZY: (loudly) Yo motherfucka mm mm. Yo motherfucka. mmm mm mm. You never wanna mm mm. Don't even try mm mm mm.

O.W.: (whispers into phone) Oh, dear! A very odd-looking young man just got on. He’s rambling and dancing around like he's on something.

GIRL: (quietly into phone) Some weird guy just got on. Big fatty phones on his big fat head and weird clothes and this gangsta shit pounding

HIPSTER: (quietly into phone) Some nutter just...Some mentally deranged guy just got on dancing to gangsta rap. God, how 2001 is that?

Y.W.: (quietly into phone) Oh, Oh! Some mad kid’s leaping around like Sammy when he wants to pee.

O.W.: (quietly into phone) I'm just snatching glances. He's got a backpack and a skateboard. He’s looking at a girl. There's a woman and a man but...

GIRL: (quietly into phone) Thinks he’s a New York gangster. Got a skateboard and he’s just dancing inside the door. Weird.

HIPSTER: (quietly into phone) Faark, smells like he hasn't washed in three years. Talk about fugly! Faark, he's gunna ride his skateboard. He’s waving it around his head ...

Y.W.: (quietly into phone) He’s got those huge headphones but you can still hear the music ...Some hip-hop thing. Must be blowing his eardrums ... I know I’m not his mother.

O.W.: (quietly into phone) Oh, dear! He's waving his skateboard around.

GIRL: (quietly into phone) I’m gunna get off at the next stop because he’s really weirdin’ me out.

HIPSTER: (quietly into phone) I mean he’s waving the skateboard around his head. (looks at CRAZY) Oh shit! He's realised I'm talking about him. He's coming over. What do I do? Call the cops...

Y.W.: (quietly into phone) He’s noticed me looking at him. He looks like he can’t decide who to punch. Me or the wanker with the stupid beard.

CRAZY i doorway, makes eye contact with all. Walks to GIRL, holds the skateboard over her head.

_End sample extract